Don’t Waste Your Time on Crappy Friends: How I Let Go of Toxic People

“It is your own responsibility to determine your happiness, but a big part of heightening it or making it easy, is your peer group.”

I forgot where I read that, but I like it.

Growing up, I somehow found myself surrounded by negative people – those who constantly complained and criticized others.

It’s toxic. Part of the reason was because I myself was this way. I used to be a highly cynical person and can safely say that it’s one of the worst qualities to have. Once I let go of that my life changed 180 degrees.

I was having a candid conversation with a colleague. She said that she doesn’t have much in common with her old friends anymore. She talks about things that excite her and they never have anything positive to say about it.

Sometimes it happens – you grow apart from people. You don’t necessarily have to de-friend them but the people you spend the most time with, I believe should be people who have similar values as you. Choose wisely.

I choose to be close to people who:

Have integrity, a good work ethic, are passionate, positive, optimistic, adventurous, take responsibility for themselves, constantly work at improving themselves, respect themselves and other people.

I don’t choose to be close with people who:

Are negative, blame other people and situations, constantly complain, disrespect themselves and others, are lazy, have no integrity, have a routine life with no desire to step outside their bubble.

There is NOTHING wrong with the qualities in my “don’t” category – It’s something I simply don’t choose to have close in my life because I want to feel healthy and inspired, not drained. Some people may hate the things I value and that’s ok.

One last thing to consider is that you attract what you are.  I love my peer group. How do you feel about yours?

9 thoughts on “Don’t Waste Your Time on Crappy Friends: How I Let Go of Toxic People”

  1. I agree with you, I had to admit that sometimes I get to be critical with others, but also I stop myself from doing that and try to be emphatic, is not easy when the other person has a really different point of view than me, but I decided to improve and made changes about it, thank you for all your advice not only in the professional field but also in personal matter ;D

  2. I always read your blog coz’ you’re one of my inspirations now..I hope my boyfriend won’t feel jealous about it. haha! I even share your posts with him and he said that you’re amazing. This post is just right for me. Recently, I felt so frustrated COZ I felt used and even betrayed by some of my friends. I even told myself that I would stop making friends but it has changed after reading this. THANK YOU!!! ^_^

  3. Pingback: My 2013 Year In Review » Christine Chang Photography Blog

  4. this post really speaks to me – this is still something i’m working on for myself.

    as for your year end review, i’d say you had a fantastic year. thank you for sharing (for someone as cool as you!!) that it’s ok to see a therapist (the seminar i recently took definitely seemed like a close to therapy. it was more about self discovery than it was trying to “fix” or “change” you. i was able to discover a few blind spots in myself i couldn’t see before), it’s ok to eat alone, take solo trips and no longer be around certain friends who don’t serve you or share the same values – this last one had always made me feel bad/guilty, as if my friends weren’t good enough for me, and i didn’t know what was wrong with me that i would feel that way. but i know now that that is not the case.

    thank you for sharing. i love that you share so openly about both your professional and personal life… it really allows us to get to know the real you. when i have my blog up, i will be sure to do the same.

    Thanks again, Christine, and have an amazing 2014!

    1. Hi Cindy! I was having a conversation with some people the other night about the letting go/growing apart thing. We agreed that the most you can do is invite someone along on your journey. They can choose if they want to come or not. I’ve made the mistake before where I’d just shut people out without giving them a chance. I think if the invitation is there, it isn’t necessary to feel bad. Most times, when values have become really different, the tendency to spend lots of time together naturally decreases.

      Have a great 2014 too! 🙂

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