I was babysitting my niece and nephew. We made paper airplanes and they started coloring them. My nephew saw my niece drawing princesses on her plane and he got mad. He told her to stop because, “Airplanes don’t have princesses on them!”
I said, “Adam, there are all sorts of airplanes, even ones with princesses on them. Just worry about how you are decorating your own plane.”
Did he do this? No. He stopped coloring and kept telling his sister to “Stop drawing princesses!”
He wouldn’t let it go. He found more interest in telling her what she should be doing versus focusing on himself.
Adults do this too.
If there’s anything I’m learning during this Corona Virus pandemic, it’s that people handle heightened emotions differently.
There’s a lot of judgement going on.
I’ve been guilty of judging people who aren’t handling things rationally.
I judged silently because overall I’ve always been a “you do you” person. Everyone’s own method is true for them, so I’ll do my thing and you do yours…
Healthy communication is not something I was taught growing up but it’s something I actively looked to improve as an adult. I took personal growth classes, went to therapy, and continue to learn from friends who are good communicators.
It’s important to me because:
1.) I don’t want heavy emotions to dictate how I operate in life.
2.) I prefer my emotions to not have a negative impact on other people, especially those I care about.
3.) I don’t like to waste time, and good communication saves a TON of time.
People have different needs. Some want to be right. Some want self-pity. Others want to be heard…
People also have different coping mechanisms. Some use avoidance. Some use anger. Some use presence. Some use empowerment. Some use humor….
EVERYONE. IS. DIFFERENT. And that’s OK.
Everyone has different beliefs and there is a sliding scale of what is appropriate to some and what is appropriate to others.
Some people want to talk about Corona and only Corona. Other people don’t. Some people focus their time on their business. Other people find it offensive to promote your business during this time. Some people like funny memes. Others think it’s inappropriate.
A lot of people aren’t sure what to post on social media in fear of offending someone. I’ll say it right now – it’s most likely going to happen, and you can’t please everyone.
The arguments that happen on social media threads boggle me (though I guiltily find them extremely entertaining!) and in a mess of 5,289 comments, maybe 2 are people actually having an effective conversation. I typically don’t interact on those threads because I don’t think social media or texting is the best platform for real time emotionally-fueled discussion.
My goal is mutual respect. It’s ok if someone thinks different. I can listen from a place of respect and compassion, or give myself space from a place of respect and compassion.
Most of the people I spend a lot of time with operate similar to me because I feel life is easier that way (no tip-toeing + there’s an unspoken understanding), but I also have a couple friends who are wired different. What makes us friends is that we mutually respect each other’s decisions and methods for living life. We also consistently work on ourselves to learn and grow.
This is where self-awareness has been very helpful – I created a boundary years ago around what works for me in this area of life. We all hit lows and there are moments we can all get anxious or depressed, but if a person has a habitually low vibration, meaning constantly negative, depressed, or anxious, with NO personal responsibility taken or desire to want to improve that area of their life, it doesn’t work for me. I respectfully distance myself and wish them the best.
If there’s one thing I don’t tolerate, it’s people who push their emotions onto other people without taking an ounce of responsibility for themselves.
Triggers happen. Snaps happen. When I do that to my husband I apologize and try my best to catch myself before letting something similar happen again in the future. Because he doesn’t deserve that, and it doesn’t get us anywhere!
Any time you are reactive to something, it’s an unhealed area in your life.
Therefore if I snap, I like to ask myself what is it in me that’s causing me to be really upset right now?
Am I allowed to have emotions? Absolutely, and my goal is for them to come out in a way that is healthy and not toxic.
So I continually remind myself to work on self-awareness instead of focusing on and blaming others.
Our emotions and actions teach us about ourselves. Everyone’s on their own journey and while you find your own tribe of people who you vibe with, it’s possible to also respect and have compassion to those who are on a different path.
What has your experience been so far during this incubation time? What’s been coming up for you? 🙂