For years I acted like I didn’t “need” anything special to celebrate my birthday. It was because I had been disappointed with birthdays in the past. When we were little my mom threw us birthday parties. I distinctly remember my birthday in first grade. Girls from class surrounded me in frilly dresses (when we used to dress up for parties) and watched as I opened presents. So many presents including this giant tan stuffed bunny! Everyone screamed when I opened it. My mom also made a special red punch that had dry ice cubes in it so the beverages would look like a boiling potion. Best birthday party ever!
Fast forward to middle school I quickly realized I had to begin growing up. Birthdays were not other people’s responsibility to make me happy – it was mine. Sure, you have friends and family who sometimes will do nice things for you, but overall, your life is up to you.
I remember as a teen crying several birthdays from disappointment. Especially for a whimsical creative person like myself who has countless ideas, I wondered why I wasn’t feeling surprised and delighted. As I got older I came to accept the truth that 1.) I can be hard to please and 2.) People are not psychic. Like I said, I have ideas for days, and the best person to know what would make me happy? ME.
A few years ago for my 40th I threw this big black tie birthday bash. I loved it and it was exactly what I wanted. Since then, I have made an effort to celebrate my birthday every year. As in, actively do something to acknowledge it. No need to wait for milestones. Life is short, you never know what can happen, and… I deserve to celebrate every year on this damn planet.
This year I booked a VIP tour to Universal Studios with my immediate circle. Planning can be a pain and everyone’s time is precious nowadays, so I booked the tour, sent the invites, and my closest friends and family met me there. My sister was even able to fly down for the day with my niece and nephew, literally 6am flight into LA and 6pm flight back out to SF.
One of my friends asked me the night before what I was most excited about. It wasn’t so much about the activity. I was simply excited that we could all be together because your relationships and shared memories make the world go round.
You can plan out every intricate, fancy detail of a celebration, and don’t get me wrong – that can be fun, but it is a different priority. My priority now is less about how things need to be, and has shifted to who’s there. The fact that someone loves me and makes an effort to show up means the world to me.
When we arrived at Universal Studios, it was all our first time experiencing VIP at Universal Studios, so the running joke of the day was “VIPPPPP” (said in a hype clubbing tone).
It was silly, fun, and we were all together. That’s all that mattered.
Instead of getting hung up on details like, “Is food going to be good?” (it was good) “What if the tour isn’t worth the money?” (it was worth the money) “Are people going to be late?” (my best friend was late despite living 2 miles from the park), I let go and decided things are going to turn out how they are going to turn out. Trying to control everything kills what is truly important and creates useless stress.
I think I’m starting to get the hang of this life thing.
The important thing is I have people in my life who care and show up. They’re also funny as hell, and we had a GREAT day.
P.S. Your birthday is important, so put something in the calendar early because if it’s not in the calendar with a plan a few months before, the likelihood of it happening are slim. Does it take a little effort? Yes. AND, you probably put forth effort for other people all the time, so why wouldn’t you do it for yourself?